Feelings

Last time I tried to blog I sat down and tried to write about my emotions.  In attempt to write about my feelings about breaking up with my ex girlfriend and how it changed my life I couldn't bring myself to write about it.  She wasn't worth the time. She is not the reason my life is where it is today.  In the last six months of my life I have interacted with more people, made more friends and had more memorial experiences than in the last four years.

I have grown so much in the last six months I cannot wait for what the next few years has in store for me. Sad to say I really feel I wasted the last four years of potential on my ex girlfriend.  It wasn't a complete waste of time. It was a huge learning experience.  Everyone will experience what I went through at one point of time.  Falling in love (or thinking they have), spending every waking moment living trying to make someone else happy as they suck the life out of you.  I thought I was in love. I though forever really lasted forever. Giving yourself completely to someone and waking up the next day with nothing is one of the hardest experiences in life to deal with.  I will admit I saw the deepest and darkest corners of my mind.  It was the ugliest scariest time of my life and it was the first time I ever experienced something like that.  Passing through that stage in my life has made me a stronger person. I feel like nothing can hurt me.  This time I will be bullet proof.

I feel like the greatest thing I can take away is something I have yet to experience.  Something I do not understand yet.  One day I will experience a new love.  I know now what I want in a partner and how a relationship should work.  I know now how to love.  And one day I will find her and I will be the happiest man alive.  I am not worried that this day will never some, I know it will. I just have to be patient. Thats the hardest part.